The Moment Before You Want More: Happiness is the Truth? Part 3

 

 “Whoever wishes to come after me must deny himself, take up his cross, and follow me. For whoever wishes to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will find it. What profit would there be for one to gain the whole world and forfeit his life? Or what can one give in exchange for his life? Mt. 16:24-26

And did they get you to trade / Your heroes for ghosts?
Hot ashes for trees? / Hot air for a cool breeze?
Cold comfort for change? / And did you exchange
A walk on part in the war / For a lead role in a cage? 

"Wish you Were Here," Roger Waters, David Gilmore

 

The last few posts have been dedicated to the theme of happiness. To recap a bit, we can see that happiness comes in two basic forms: the first is a habitual state that doesn't come and go with passing moods that we can call blessedness. The second is a transitory state linked to physical or emotional comfort that we can call contentment. Both are good things, but our contemporary culture has tended to reduce the concept of happiness to the second kind. To be truly happy in a deep, profound way we need to know ourselves, know what is of true value, what our place in the world is and not allow ourselves to the shaken by the passing emotional storms of life. The self reflection needed to do this is not easy to accomplish in today's consumeristic culture that teaches us to find meaning in the material, passing fashions of life as opposed to any unchanging truth. 

To make it clear, I'm not saying that seeking contentment is bad. Both blessedness and contentment are good, only that contentment is good in a more limited way. If we are only concerned with our own comfort we can become blinded to the realities of life that may include a great deal of hidden beauty as well as injustices and pain. By focusing so closely on ourselves we run the risk of living shallow, meaningless lives. Dr. Peter Kreeft, who we talked about in the first installment, spoke about the Beatitudes, and how Jesus took our prevailing notion of happiness and turned it on its head. We do not associate poverty or mourning with happiness or blessedness, but Jesus does. We do not associate the struggle for justice with contentment, and nor should we, but we should connect it with blessedness, because those who engage in the struggle often find a peace beyond mere contentment. This is not a purely Christian idea; there are secular thinkers who would say similar things.

When I was an undergrad we learned about Abraham Maslow and his theory of self actualization. According to him self actualized people were those who developed and used their talents and abilities to the highest degree possible, thus becoming truly fulfilled in life. He identified certain basic needs people needed to meet, like eating and sleeping, as well higher needs like fostering healthy relationships and developing self esteem. But the highest needs involved things like problem solving skills and acceptance of reality as it is. Only then could we use our gifts to effect positive change in the world. I remember In our psychology text book there was a photo montage of people who Maslow believed had reached that level of of self actualization. Prominently featured were Martin Luther King, Jr. and Gandhi, two men who suffered much and were murdered for their efforts to fight for justice and peace. Yet one could argue that they were happy men in the deepest sense of the word, even though they were far from content. How can this be so?

There is a certain peace that comes when you know that you're "doing the right thing." And I don't think you have to be a civil rights leader or father of your country to experience that peace. You may have to endure many "ordinary" trials and heartaches but the true measure of happiness comes not in the middle of the journey of life, or in the midst of a particular struggle, but at the end. Maslow spoke of the many "peak moments" that the self-actualized person experiences in life, but I'm not so sure. I think we don't always know how peak those important moments are until we look back. I know people who have cared for loved ones during terminal illnesses. As the person's condition worsens and the task becomes more difficult the caregiver can have his or her patience strained and their faith is tested. These are far from what we would normally call peak moments. Then there are the final days and hours of dealing with the reality that the one they love is passing away. But when it does come to an end, and the initial mourning has passed, there can be a feeling of peace amid the sadness, a peace born of looking back and understanding the fact that they did the right thing by their loved one, and their is no greater peak moment than that.

To wrap up the topic, I would say that in general the pursuit of contentment as the main goal of life actually leads to great unhappiness. This is because we can place a great deal of value in things that really don't last. Whether we are talking about material goods or even our physical strengths, we have to understand that they all fail eventually. When they do we search for the new and different that will fulfill us, and it never really does. We have lost touch with deeper realities, spiritual realities that bring life true meaning.

Today we don't really value spiritual things, but have placed our collective hearts on the material. Since we have stopped really believing in Heaven or Hell we see all we have to win or lose as being stored in our attic and basement. We see the peak moments of life as associated with adrenaline rushes or buying the latest gadget. When illness or age makes us unable to do what we once did, despair can set in. Rather than seeing suffering as redemptive and expiating, both for our own sins and the sins of the world, because we have bought into the idea that there are no sins nor a Communion of Saints in which to share spiritual goods, trials are to be avoided at all costs. The only solution then is to treat the ones we love, or even ourselves, like we would a favored pet and put them to sleep. 

But there are many euthanasias we have embarrassed in life, from abortion to substance abuse, that we turn to to either throw away "mistakes" or numb the pain that comes from meaninglessness. While we have to be careful not to judge an individual's motivation, the wide spread acceptance or prevalence of both by society, as well as of consumerism and sexual license, are signs that we crave escapes from responsibility and reality more than true fulfillment. But when it's all over we will have to ask if the short term pleasures we chose were worth the deep blessedness we passed up.

What Christ offers us is not easy. He doesn't say we will be dancing joyfully 24 hours a day down the street. Jesus loved wedding receptions and dinners with all sorts of people, so I don't imagine him to be a puritan. At the same time he offers us the Cross first and foremost. This is the the only path to true peace now, and happiness in Eternity.