In explaining his reasons for not wanting live past 75 years old, Ezekiel Emanuel references his own father. He describes how the senior Emanuel suffered a heart attack ten years ago, at the age of 77, had bypass surgery, but survived the experience. He lives on with his wife to this day. Though not incapacitated by any means, the once "hyper-active" MD and professor of medicine has slowed down considerably. He's had to give up his medical practice and teaching duties, though he's still sharp enough to gives his kids a hard time when they call on the phone. Ezekiel the Younger sees this wonders what kind of quality of life his father has, though he admits that Ezekiel the Elder says that he is happy.
There is no doubt that the father wishes he could do the things he once did. Happiness is never unalloyed. Even saints like Therese of Lisieux suffered a great crisis of faith in the months before her death. I don't believe that Ezekiel wants his father gone. But I do believe that he is projecting his own fears upon the old man. He can quote all the stats he wants, his high minded theory that it's better to burnout than it is to rust is born of a visceral reaction many of us feel when we encounter a person debilitated by age and infirmity: I don't want that to be me. We think of our life now and the independence we enjoy and can't imagine it any other way. To not be able to drive, or hike, or go out to dinner or what ever hobby or leisure activity we enjoy now is unimaginable. Maybe we're workaholics who find our meaning in our particular profession. When our identity is intimately connected with work and that work is taken away we can feel lost. But rather than fear, why not learn from the grace his father is carrying into his twilight time?
A feeling of fear can also hit us when we encounter people with developmental problems. Some ask if it's better if they were never born. As a society, we just don't ask it we've acted on it as well. While there is controversy over the percentages, anywhere from 50 to 90 percent of pre born babies prescreened as having down syndrome are aborted. Many will say that this is only to spare the child an unhappy life. Yet recent studies indicate that most people with down syndrome say that they are happy with their lives. Who are "regular" to judge them? Are we looking to put the child out of his or her misery, or are we looking to avoid the sacrifices inevitable with welcoming such a child into our families? Or are we embarrassed at not having a "normal" child? Are we letting our lives be ruled by fear, and why are we taking this fear out on these innocents?
This fear of growing old and not being able to do what we once did is not limited to secular minded people. A great issue facing aging priests and religious, particularly those religious in active apostolic communities, is that they don't age well. Salesians are notorious for this. We've been trained to work hard. The ideal is the "die with your boots on" in the service of the Lord. This was once possible when people routinely died in their 60's, still in the midst of the apostolate. But now we are living well into our eighties and even 90's. There is a frustration many feel in not being able to handle the classroom any more, or not having the strength to handle administrative or even pastoral duties anymore. As the years of "retirement" proceed (for Salesians retirement is a dirt word) it becomes crucial to develop an interior life of prayer and union with God. Those that don't end up experiencing a real crisis of meaning and even faith.
There is no magic potion that will make growing old easy. Even faith will not necessarily free us from all anxiety. But faith helps us see that we are greater than our productivity and usefulness. It helps to show us that fear is useless, especially when we project it onto others
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